Going Too Far (The Curvy Submissive) Page 4

  Josh didn’t laugh which made me wilt a little. He sat quiet for a little while and I could see the thoughts racing through his mind.

  He took his time before finally turning to me fully. Strands of brown hair fell messily across his forehead, always unwilling to behave.

  “Why are you here, Kat?”

  “Why are you?”

  He sighed. “Because Kelli and Tyler and I run in some of the same social circles. I have certain skills that she hoped I would demonstrate tonight.”

  “Oh my God.” I stood up, my body working completely on its own apart from my brain. “I don’t want to know this.”

  “Sit down, Kat.” He took my elbow and tugged me back into the sofa beside him. I fell close to his body, too close. He shifted to gain some freedom, and so did I, but there wasn’t much space to flee to. I didn’t realize just how big Josh was, how broad, until I had him pressed close to me. Hours ago I’d been leaning into his body, his hand on my waist, flirting innocently, and it wasn’t weird at all. This was a very different experience and we barely touched shoulders.

  “Jesus, Josh. I had no idea.”

  “Good. Then I was doing a good job of keeping my private life separate from my professional one.”

  I scowled. “I’m not part of your professional life.”

  He shook his head, waved his hand as if to erase his own words. “I didn’t mean…I wouldn’t know how to explain it to anyone, least of all you. And yet here you are. There’s no sense pretending. You’ll find out soon enough.”

  “What will I find out?” I twisted so I could better face him and our knees brushed. The sensation felt electric and wrong. Too close! I tried to shift but he did something unexpected then. He clamped a hand over my bare knee and held me still. His eyes pleaded with me.

  “Relax, Kat, please. I don’t want to make you nervous. I’ll be honest with you if you can try not to freak out.”

  He frowned like maybe this was asking too much and maybe it was. I stared at his hand holding me still.

  “I promise. I think.” I swallowed. “I’ll try not to freak out. Much.”

  Josh relaxed and grazed his fingers across the inside of my knee before pulling away. I don’t think he did it intentionally, but the gesture struck me as sweet. Also very Josh. The skin tingled where he’d touched and I resisted the urge to touch him back.

  Honestly, I felt like I was losing my mind.

  “Most of the people here are like you and have never been introduced to anything but vanilla experiences. And when it comes to you I’ve always just pretended that you’re still completely wholesome. I do not want to hear anything to contrary.” He smiled briefly, granting levity to the moment, which broadened when I snorted derisively.

  “Wholesome.” I laughed. “Me.”

  The familiarity hung between us for a moment before he became serious again.

  “I enjoy...” his voice trailed off and he glanced away from me for a long time while he collected his thoughts. “This is very difficult for me. I apologize if I sound coarse, I don’t mean to be. I’m usually pretty good at talking with others about what I do.”

  “I’m pretty sure anything you say is going to make us both feel very uncomfortable.” I leaned back and settled my hands in my lap. My heart slowed as the initial adrenaline shock of being found out disappeared. Maybe if we could still talk we’d be able to get over this.

  He exhaled, low and long, before continuing, his eyes settling on my clasped hands. “I enjoy dominating the young women I sleep with, and I’m very good at it. I’ve been trained in rope bondage, which is what I’ll be demonstrating tonight for those new to the play scene.”

  The air whooshed out of me as he spoke those words, their explicit honesty burning their way into my chest. I felt their heat along my arms to my fingertips and down through my core until it blossomed dangerously between my legs. I enjoy dominating young women. The intensity of those words felt like nothing I’d ever imagined, especially coming from Josh. Without thinking I squeezed my thighs to conceal whatever was happening to me down there, but he saw my reaction and sucked in a breath between his clenched teeth.

  “Shit,” he whispered and ran a hand back through his hair. “Shit.”

  I cleared my throat and willed myself to relax. How does one even respond to something like that? “A bondage demonstration?”

  “Ah - yes.” He paused. “Possibly a light punishment scene as well. Tyler intends to do the more intense stuff himself, privately for those interested.” Josh’s eyes opened, alarmed by something, and cast a serious look on me. “You are not interested.”

  Something in his tone annoyed me, like he was channeling Brian. You’re just a little girl, Katrina! I stiffened beside him and pulled myself away, suddenly unable to bear his touch. I felt like his entire presence was holding me back from becoming anything but someone’s little sister.

  “I’m an adult, Josh. I can be interested in whatever I want. That’s pretty much why I’m here. To learn. I’m going to have a tough time learning if I’m not allowed to do anything.”

  “Kat.” My name came out sharper than I’d ever heard him speak it. It demanded my attention, but held none of the condescension Brian used against me. I stilled and without knowing why, bent my head as if I’d been scolded. His tense body shifted closer to me and very tentatively he settled his hand across mine. His fingers gently laced across the back of my knuckles and without thinking I spread them apart so he could slip his fingers between mine.

  “Kat, I don’t want you to be interested in the intense punishment scenes with Tyler. Do you understand? It’s hard enough having you here, but that’s not a line I’m willing to allow you to cross. You just…you don’t understand what that means. It’s pain. Real pain. You won’t like it and shit, I don’t want you to like it. I…please understand I won’t let you for your own good.”

  I shoved his hand away, missing it and hating it immediately and at the same time. I stood up and stepped quickly out of his reach when he tried to pull me back..

  “Allow? Look, Josh, I get it. This is weird and I can appreciate that. I don’t know how to deal with knowing that you like to dominate young women like me.” Like me! Where had that thought come from? His eyes widened as he gazed up at me and those damning words sank into us both. Could it be true? Was I the type of young woman he craved?

  He didn’t deny it, but I also knew it couldn’t be true. I knew the few women I’d seen him with, no matter how briefly, were his age and beautiful and graceful and lovely. They weren’t me at all.

  No, I couldn’t think about that. What he did in his private world had nothing to do with me. I stammered and tried to get control of myself before I lost my head further.

  “But I’m also not a little girl anymore. I’m fed up with the men in my life telling me I have to grow up in one breath but also stay a little girl they can control in the other. Do you want to know why I’m here? I’m here because I’ve been force fed what I want, what I like, and how I’m supposed to behave all my life. I have no idea what I like. I want to know what’s out there and maybe this isn’t for me, but I want to feel like I’m making that decision on my own.”

  I didn’t want him to see me shaking with the terror the sound of my own voice inspired in me, so I stalked towards the door before he could say anything we’d both regret. I stopped in the doorway and glanced back at him. He watched me, my body, his eyes unfocused somewhere along the small of my back. He pressed his mouth into a hard line, his brow furrowed in some dark thought he did not enjoy.

  “And for the record, I was seventeen when I stopped being wholesome. I think I’m old enough to let someone tie me up and spank me if that’s what I decide I want.”

  5

  ____________

  Josh

  Watching Kat walk away from me was hard. Every instinct told me to grab her and pull her back to me and keep her from what was happening in the other room.

  But that would be a mistake a
nd I knew better. I’d sounded exactly like Brian, commanding her to be one way when it was obvious that wasn’t the girl she wanted to become.

  The way her dress fell across her wide, hourglass figure, not to mention the way my body reacted to it…no. She was certainly not a little girl.

  I think I’m old enough to let someone tie me up and spank me…

  Shit. Oh, shit. Those words held so much threatening promise. And power.

  The mask helped, but not a lot. I knew her too well. I knew her mouth, her smile, and the nervous way she bit her bottom lip. I knew the way she fussed with her hands in her lap and swished her hips back and forth when she wore watery dresses and thought no one was looking. I’d never thought about it before that moment on the sofa with the cold lake wind kicking up her pale hair, but I knew her smell as intimately as anyone I’d ever been close to. She smelled like brown sugar and vanilla and chocolate chip cookies.

  I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees and ran my hands across my face. What was I going to do? How could I allow Kat to watch me hold a woman down and bind her body to my control? How could I pull a stranger across my lap and spank her while Kat witnessed her humiliation and submission? It was too much. I couldn’t get into the dominant space I needed to properly demonstrate anything. It was out of the question. I’d have to back out and let Tyler handle everything.

  And then a terrible chill spread through my body and her final words haunted me. How would I be able to watch Tyler pull Kat, my Kat, over his lap, expose her to a room full of strangers, and hold her down while he beat her with his spread palm? The phantom crack of skin hitting skin filled my ears and I had to close my eyes against its power. The idea made me angry, furious, destructive.

  Possessive.

  I’d come here expecting to be turned on by what would happen tonight. That was the point and being any willing submissive’s Dom, even for one scene, especially for their first, was a pleasure I would be honored to indulge. But Kat? I’d never thought about Kat that way. Never…

  Liar. Once. I’d thought about her once and I’d jerked off to such a powerful, intense orgasm it had terrified me. I’d never allowed myself to lose control and indulge in that little fantasy ever again. She was Katrina, Kat, practically my little sister. She’d grown up at my father’s bar. She’d grown from a bratty, gangly teenager to the talented young woman who came to dance on Friday nights and wrangle free drinks from me just by batting those big green eyes.

  Some days when she flirted unabashedly with me, when she leaned her body into mine and when I touched her carefully somewhere mostly innocent, I devoured those moments. I kept them and replayed them later and pretended they weren’t about her.

  But there was no denying the pressure of my erection and how hard it throbbed when I imagined her pulled down across my lap and taught to submit.

  Bright laughter rose from the other room, amongst them Kat’s, a sound I’d recognize anywhere. The longer I hid from her, the greater the chance someone else would move in to capture her and become her champion for the night. I couldn’t allow that. As much as I didn’t want her here engaging in my brand of debauchery, I knew if I tried to stop her, she’d run right into someone’s arms who would be all too willing to take advantage of her. If she was going to explore for one night, I’d need to be there to make sure she was safe and well cared for. Because Kat? I knew of at least two men in that room who’d have their eyes on her immediately. Young and beautiful and innocent in a way that would certainly be too tempting for certain Doms to deny. I couldn’t allow any of them to break her.

  I returned to the room and descended the steps into the sunken seating space. Kelli and Tyler reigned as king and queen at the front of the room with their backs to the windows. Julie, Kat’s friend, sat to Tyler’s right and I noticed Tyler’d already laid claim with a hand clamped over her knee. Kat shared a loveseat with a man I didn’t know well, Eric Something. A friend of Tyler’s. I could tell by the way he sat, by the way he draped an arm across the back of Kat’s cushion that he was moving in to stake some kind of claim should she let him. He held himself rigid, hooded eyes gazing down at my little Kat.

  Mine? No. Maybe. At least tonight. I found a seat across from them so I could watch their every move until I could force her to sit beside me.

  Kelli nodded when I sat down. Her eyes bounced over to Kat and back and I knew she knew what I was thinking. She was a smart girl. Too smart.

  And I was going to kill her for not warning me, for not telling me she’d invited her here. She’d kept that little piece of information to herself on purpose, to out me against my will. We would have a long talk about that later.

  “Now that we’re all here, why don’t we enjoy a little icebreaker before getting to the festivities? Tyler?” Kelli uncrossed her legs and leaned forward to retrieve a large box from beneath one of the ottomans. Like the other women, she wore an elaborate carnival mask. That was a smart touch on her part. Most of the women were nervous but excited, new and curious, and the masks helped give them a sense of anonymity. Kelli had been a part of the lifestyle since she was younger than Kat was now and I knew it was important to her to provide safe places for other women to explore. It was one of the things I admired about Kelli.

  So why did I think Kat couldn’t be one of those women?

  Because I didn’t want her to be. I didn’t want her to crave pain with her pleasure. I didn’t want her to let any man control her or subdue her wild, bright spirit. Maybe she had a little submissive inside her, but there was too much of her to allow anyone to cage that.

  And…and I didn’t want her to explore it with someone who would enjoy hurting her.

  “We picked out a little gift for everyone. These are accessories you may recognize, or not, and maybe you think you know how they are used, but maybe not. You all know Tyler and I, you trust us, and we trust all of you.”

  Inside the bigger box were small grey boxes wrapped with purple ribbons. Tyler handed them out and each box bore a name. I already knew what would be in my box, but I wondered what would be in Kat’s.

  “The unmasked men are all competent, experienced players in our lifestyle. We won’t be exploring anything too intense tonight, so I want you to feel free to ask them how to use some of the accessories, let them help you try them out. Some we’ll demonstrate as a group, loosen you up so to speak, others you can try at your own pace, alone or in this room.”

  “You’re all consenting adults, but we advise that while you can explore to your heart’s content, penetration isn’t the goal. We all know how to get off that way.” Kelli winked at a girl who giggled when she took her gift.

  Kat’s box was small and fit easily in both palms. There were many things that could be inside her box and God help me, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her hands as they set the box in her lap and began untying the bow. Her skirt, light as water, had shifted to expose her knees and the first inch and a half of her thighs. Eric, the bastard, noticed too. He leaned down and whispered something in her ear, his mouth touching her as he spoke. She shivered and stumbled unknotting the bow. He took the opportunity to rest his hand on her thigh.

  I had to look down, my heart thundering in my chest hard enough to tear right through it. If I wasn’t careful I’d make a scene and I didn’t want to do that. I had no right to act possessively over her in this situation. Any outburst on my part would make the new players very uncomfortable and would no doubt embarrass Kat.

  I concentrated on dragging the ribbon off my gift and pulling the top off to reveal a fluff of tissue paper. Inside I found a coil of maroon hemp rope.

  This was Kelli’s part of the night, all luxury and pampering. She acted as a switch, topping and bottoming with practiced comfort on any given night. That made her role in this little party that much more important. These gifts offered a way for the other women to ask questions and feel comfortable with those around them. Most of the guests at her parties never made the lifestyle a common practice. They
experimented and played, but spent more time enjoying vanilla sex than any other. That was fine.

  The women opened their boxes eagerly and discovered blindfolds, wrist cuffs, collars, and gags. One man had been given a small flogger, another a leash. All very simple, easy accessories to acquaint oneself with. None of it looked particularly frightening.

  Kat gave a little gasp when she opened hers and I immediately gave her my complete attention. She withdrew a scarlet silk box, decorated with a little silver clasp. She parted the clasp and let the lid fall back to reveal a cushion of red silk holding a pair of beautiful jade Ben Wa balls and a curled silicone sling.

  Bashful and brave, she ran her fingers across the smooth surface of the marble-sized balls and it was that look, that beautiful look of open imagination that completely unmade me. Her fingertip circled each ball before tentatively drawing them out of their pillows to hold in the palm of her hand. I wondered if she knew how they were used. I wondered if she’d use them tonight. The thought went straight to my groin like a bolt of electricity and I had to close my eyes and swallow the moan that threatened to give me away.

  I was going to go to hell for this, for watching her and imagining her on her hands and knees as I inserted the balls one at a time into her…

  I? That could never happen. I wasn’t stupid enough to cross that line. Imagining it? Yes, alright. In light of the evening’s festivities I could allow myself to fantasize. But I wouldn’t touch her.

  Could I allow someone else to touch her instead?

  “Josh?”

  I shook my head to clear the fog of beautiful, terrible thoughts and found Kelli sitting on the edge of her seat, her head cocked to the side as she watched me. Without meaning to, I glanced over at Kat and found her soft green eyes on mine, her mouth parted in surprise at the sound of my name. She looked down at the jade balls in her hand and quickly put them back in their scarlet box as if she were embarrassed that I’d caught her with them.